100 Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort If You Were A DE
by Hedwig199
Summary: Want the annoy the crap out of Lord Voldemort? Then this is the story for you!


A/N: It was 10:05 at night, I was eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a sugar high included, and was incredibly bored. And this is what you get. I was in a mood to say the word,"SEXY!" alot so yeah that explains alot! HedwigandHermes7 helped me on at least half of this list!

100. Put a sign on his back that says,"I am A SEXY BEAST!"

99. Say, " Oh,Voldie, I love you too"!...

98. In the middle of a Death Eater meeting, loudly.

97. When he is staring at you as if he's going to kill you, wink at him and mouth "Call me!"

96. Relace his Death Eater robes with short shorts and a tube top...

95. Make sure it's pink and matching!

94. When he passes you, say on your imaginary cell phone,"OHMYGOD! BECKY, LOOK AT HER BUTT! IT IS SO BIG!"

93. Leave little notes in his closet saying, "Unorganized minds are caused by unorganized closets!"

92. Give him a name tag at a Death Eater meeting that says, "MY NAME is.." then write "Voldie" or "Big Kahuna".

91. Sing "I represent the Lolipop Guild, The Lolipop Guild, The Lolipop Guild..." when he's having an evil moment.

90. Draw, "I WUV HARRY POTTER!" on his arm when he's sleeping.

89. Tell him that you swore that Hermione was talking about him and his ass.

88. When he asks you to show a presentation to your fellow Death Eaters, get up and sing, "I'm Too Sexy."...

87. With a dance routine.

86. Tell him you saw a perfect blonde, curly wig at Party America that would be the best for him.

85. Tell him sarcastically that the name Voldemort really scares the crap out of you.

84. Get a couple of Death Eaters to make a circle around him, jabbing him chating, "Moldywart! Moldywart!"

83. When he replies," How dare you?! I am the Dark Lord!", stop and start chanting," Dork Lard! Dork Lard!"

82. When he's got a evil idea, yawn hysterically.

81. Anytime he is starting to talk, sneeze fakely.

80. Tell him to 'go get a tan.'

79. Ask him where he got 'those kick ass silk robes?'.

78. Anytime he starts to yell, then talk omniously and quietly, say under your breath, "Some-one's P-M-S-ing!" (A/N:For all you guys, ask your mom. But...uh...you didn't hear it from me!)

77. Ask him why he coulden't just go to couples therepy with Harry.

76. Ask him 'how the hell the cauldron just in' melted onto him?!?!'

75. Tell him to give you a silver hand too or you'll scream.

74. Even if he does, scream anyways.

73. When he says he's got an idea to kill Harry Potter, say loud enough for everyone to hear, "Like you did the last times..."

72. Ask him how a baby destroyed an adult man...

71. Also ask him how he _feels _about it and hand him tissues.

70. When he takes his anger out on you becuase he can't kill Harry, say, 'It's not my fault you coulden't just do this: Step 1: Pickup and and walk in Hogwarts. Step 2: KILL HIM! It's not like anyone's gonna stop you! They're scared the hell of you!'

69. Say ' I found the most perfect Harry Potter costume for Halloween, JUST FOR YOU!'

68. Ask him where babies come from.HAH

67. Then ask him if he can make babies, and if he doesn't respond, tell everyone he can.

66. Tell a fellow Death Eater the Voldemort needs surgery "down there".

65. Ask him he will go trick-or treating with you, and say,"It's not like you need a costume!"

64. Tell him you found the best pink string bikini that perfectly goes with his figure...

63. And hold it up to his chest.

62. When he says, "I have got a plan!" laugh and whisper to everyone, "POTTER PUPPET PALS!"

61. If he notes that he is a powerful man, scream hysterically, "MAN?! Didn't see THAT coming!"

60. Ask him if he "was that kid who smelled the girls' hair in the back of the class."

59. Ask who's catering the next Death Eater meeting...

58. And ask if there will be hors d'ouvers and alcohol.

57. Ask him to watch "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!"with you.

56. When he shows him new Death Eater robes, tell him they make his butt look big.

55. Ask him if he wants a Harry Potter autograph.HAH

54. Start singing at the top of your lungs after an HP defeat, 'It's a Wonderful World" and insist he joins in.

53. Tell him periwinkle is his color.HAH

52. Buy him a toy poodle and insist he takes care of it to learn responsibilty.(A/N: My favorite, which is by HedwigandHermes7)

51. Tell him that you should have "Casual Fridays."

50. In the middle of a DE meeting, stand up and shout, 'I SAVED MONEY ON CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO!!'

49. After the big GOF battle, tell him he should get some Halls for his scratchy throat.

48. Teach him how to put his pinky to the corner of his mouth like Dr. Evil.

47. Tell him he should get an invisibility cloak like Harry's.

46. Tell him to get a lonely guy cat, it adds to the dramatic effect.

45. Tell him that if he reads more fanfiction, he'll see the benefits of becoming Harry's friend.

44. Try to teach him dance steps to "My Humps."

43. Buy him a complete Strawberry Shortcake playset for his birthday.

42. Tell everyone he uses Colgate Whitestrips.

41. After every defeat, make him sing "I love you". (Barney song)

40. Have him take a sorting quiz. If he gets into Gryffindor say, 'It's okay. At least you'll get to know Harry better.'

39. Ask him if he has any eyeshadow left over.

38. Make him a theme-song. Hire a random DE to sing it when he enters the room...

37. Make it Star Wars.

36. When he messes up, say in a mock baby voice,"Can we fix it? Yes, we can!"

35. Set him up on an online dating system...

34. As Hotstuff666.

33. Make him watch chick-flicks and say, 'If you cry, I'll always be the shoulder to cry."

32. Give him a bottle of Tresseme...

31. And sing,"Tresseme, Tresseme, Ooh La La!"

30. Get him Oil of Olay and say, 'It's for that worry wrinkle on your forehead.'

29.Tell him cracking his neck makes him look tough.

28.Buy him a timeshare.

27. Ask him, 'If you're such a genius, why couldn't you figure out how to open the vault and just grab the stone.'

26. Give him Dream Matte Mousse and say that's for that thing on his face, then squint and say,"OH! That's your face!"

25. When he talks about taking over Harry's dreams, tell him you accidently gave Harry a dream oracle for Christmas.

24. Put a Harry Potter wig on him while he's asleep and hum,"Hedwig's Theme" when he wakes up.

23. Send him a 'Joke of the day'.

22. Start humming the HP song during DE meetings.

21. Sign him up for a tutor. When he finds out, tell him he's been overworking himself and needs a little help sometimes.

20. Ask him 'why he doesn't just buy a gun?'

19. Tease him about sleeping with Mr.Fuzzykillingtons, his teddy bear.

18. Ask him if he knows the name of Britney Spears's new baby.

17. Tell him to have a slumber party with the girls.

16. Buy him My little Pony. LOTS OF MY LITTLE PONY.

15. Ask him if you can give him a makeover...beg him if you have to.

14. Tell him to send a video in to Pimp My Ride.

13. Buy him blonde extensions.

12. Ask him "why for one night he can't get drunk with a couple of DEs...

11. Take pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.

10. Rent E.T. Cry when ET leaves, and hand him a box of tissues too.

9. Ask him if he knows,"The Robocop." Teach him if not.

8. Give him a bedtime. If he disobeys this bedtime, take a half an hour off his curfew.

7. Take him to a cider mill. Have him pose in cutesy positions all over everywhere and say, 'This one will be our Christmas photo!' way too much.

6. If he askes you something, say,"That's a good idea." Then when responds ,"What?", say, "You're welcome!" then when he says,"Huh?" say, "Goodbye!" (A/n: I used to do that all the time.)

5. Ask him if he want to see "Flushed Away" with you, then spit popcorn, spill Coke and Milk Duds on him and laugh hysterically, slapping your knee.

4. Put a Santa hat on him during Christmas when he's asleep and take pictures.

3. Ask him if at the next DE meeting if you need to bring your two-piece/swim trunks, then ask him if he want to borrow yours.

2. Ask him how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.

And finally, No. 1...

1. Imperio him...in front of his fellow DE's...doing the worm...singing...in a high pitched voice..."MY MILKSHAKES BRING ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD AND DAMN RIGHT, THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOURS, DAMN RIGHT, THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOUR AND I WOULD TEACH YOU BUT I HAVE TO CHARGE..." Then make him put his hands on his chest and move it in and out going like,"AWWW YEAH!"

A/N: I hope you all actually read it all and enjoyed it!


End file.
